"Why Did He Cheat on Me with HER?!": Why Men Pick the "Uglier" Girl to be Their Mistress
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As much as it sickens me to admit, I have been the other woman in two separate relationships. Please keep the heckling to yourself. Believe me, this is not something I am, by any means, proud of and is far from the woman I am today.
But, a question was posed, “Why do men always cheat with uglier woman than their significant other?” After I got over the initial sting of being labeled “the uglier one,” it got me thinking why this is, in most cases, the truth.
Why was I always picked as the back-up plan and never the leading actress? I wouldn’t say it was my physical appearance that was “uglier,” though I’m sure that’s up for debate, but I would say emotionally I was hideous. This is like lamb chops to a lion for cheating men. Men don’t want to put more elbow grease into a relationship. They already have the trophy girl; they want someone who is going to be up for: waiting by the phone for the calls day in and day out, sneaking around, never going on actual dates and feeling miserable about themselves. Now, who better for this than girls who already feel miserable about themselves?
In most cases, men aren’t looking for someone to “date.” They are looking for someone to have sex with and feed their egos. They aren’t going to go hunting for beautiful, successful, put-together women at business functions. They are going to find someone who’s crying into their beer at a crusty saloon. That girl is prime picking for the “other woman.”
These girls are so desperate for attention that they will blindly believe the: my-wife-is such-a-bitch-and-I’m-filing-for-divorce-next-week line of bull. They don’t think they deserve better than getting stood up night after night and truly believe that the one night a month/year they get with their lover is heaven on earth.
All I can hope for is that one of them is reading this right now and realizing that, “Holy crap, that’s me!” Don’t be someone’s second-best. Don’t do that to another woman. There is no one on this earth who deserves the pain of being in this disgusting situation. You deserve better. You are better than that. I know what you’re thinking, “Being with them is better than being alone.” Is it? Really? You like this feeling? I didn’t think so.
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Wow! You've made some really interesting points on this subject. I think there are men who will cheat simply because they believe they can get away with it, and the person they chose to do it with is the person who they think they can talk into having a 'secret' liaisons with who will also let them get away with it, that's the main aim and looks don't really come into it.
Ashley,
It takes a confident and strong (you are both of these things now) person to tell the world about your shortcomings. You are absolutely right about the men choosing the weaker women. The strong confident woman with pride will not settle for being second. Men are wrong for the cheating, and the enlightened "other women" are making it way too easy for men to carry on these affairs.
Dean
WOW!! Really?!?!?!? I'm in a relationship with a married man. I didn't meet him at a seedy bar...I've known him for years. We lost touch, but got reacquainted about 11 years ago. I didn't know he was married at the time.
We have been together for 10 years now. I do NOT wait by the phone hoping that he will come see me. I am NOT hidden away. I most certainly am NOT someone he just has sex with. If I was all of those things, I would not be with this man. He sees me every night after work, sometimes staying for hours, sometimes just to get a hug and kiss before heading off to home and his daughter. We talk on the phone daily. He calls on his way to work and when he gets out of work.
We have a relationship. We go out, we visit family (both his and mine), we work around my house....and we do it all as a couple. Sure, the sex is great, but it's not the focus of our relationship.
We have a bond that is apparent to anyone who comes in contact with us, including his aunts, uncles and cousins. So, why isn't he divorced? Because divorce is expensive and I'm not about to tell him he needs to move away from his daughter. Sometimes, divorce isn't an option.
Like I said, I don't wait by the phone for him. I have a full, active life. When my man and I aren't together, I go out with friends, I play volleyball and tennis, I go on vacation either alone or make it a "girls' week". I enjoy time alone, also. I catch up with my reading and just relax.
I was talking to his cousin the other day and she said that she would never consider ME as "the other woman"...but that's how she thinks of his wife. So, second best? I think not.
Well, that is exactly what I thought with my three year affair. However, in retrospect, I believe if I was "the number one option" he would be with me. No money could have stopped my love for him so why did it stop his for mine? Just because he calls you on his way to work or his family likes you, doesn't necessarily mean you're number one. He is still seeing someone else. Someone that he may or may not love but he isn't tempted enough to do so. Now, I'm not referring exactly to you, because I know how I felt in my "relationships" and I would NEVER have listened to something like this. I am making this a general hub. I do not know you or your relationship but am glad you are happy in your situation.
BeingOtherWoman,
You mention, " I am NOT hidden away". Does his wife know about you? Why hasn't he divorced his wife? As long as he is married to her, and not you, tt seems that you are "second best". However that is just my opinion. I am not trying to be mean, but your perception may be different than reality. I understand you were not aware that he was married, but you are now. Being in a relationship with a married man is not a "healthy relationship".
Oh, my -- been there, done that and after 10 years we finally married. Now I can say I been there and done that, too -- didn't work. I think I was young and was more enamored with being in an elicit affair than I was in love with the man -- it can be exciting for a while. Looking back I have to laugh at myself -- did find true love -- a whole different thing for me. Great Hub that took great courage -- glad you found Mr. Right. Best/Sis
BeingOtherWoman: It sounds like your "man" is in a poly-amorous relationship. Kudos to both of you if that's your bag, but it's *not* what Ashley is talking about here. (And honestly, come on, REALLY?!?, you should know that!) She's talking about men who are CHEATING on their wives. Without their consent or knowledge. Obviously you've her knowledge if not her consent if you meeting his family and taking up hours of his time. Being poly shouldn't put labels on people like first and second, there only IS. Men who are cheating are "putting one over," on their wives. They're taking something emotionally, physically and mentally from their wives. Doesn't sound like your situation, so why be offended?
Stevethepainter 3 months ago
well said.