How to Know If You're a Happy Couple
71Live. Laugh. Love
The question came up: How do you know if you’re a happy couple? Well, in all honesty, I believe that if you have to ask that question, you might be missing something in your relationship. But, if you’re single and wondering what defines happiness in a relationship, I can tell you how I know I am in an extremely happy marriage.
1. He’s my best friend. Sex and the City made me think that my girlfriends were going to be the ones who knew me best. They would know the real me. They would know about my past heartbreaks and how I pooped my pants as an adult. There was no WAY I would tell my future husband all of this. I need to keep a sense of mystery and sexuality in the relationship. Turns out, he laughs just as hard at my quirkiness and listens just as intently when I talk about painful memories. He wants to know. He is honored to know about my past and what makes me…well, me.
2. I can’t wait to tell him the most insignificant things. If you find yourself excited to tell him about the cutest thing the dog did when he was in the bathroom, you know that’s love. If he’s also enraptured in your five minute description of the dog chasing his tail, that’s true love.
3. You high five. I’m stealing this from Mindy Kahling’s book “Is Everyone Hanging out without Me?” She had a really good point. If you guys are a team who encourage each other over minor achievements, that’s a solid relationship. He should be your cheerleader when you have a big presentation at work and sit and listen to you practice until it’s perfect. You should be excited when his Fantasy Football team is finally perfect, just because that’s important to him.
4. You’ve done something really embarrassing in front of him and laughed about it. When my husband and I first started dating, he made a crack about me farting in my sleep and I literally burst out in tears because I thought he pictured me as some flatulent old man who he would never want to marry. Fast forward to after the wedding and I honestly don’t think there’s one thing that would embarrass me in front of him. We know how to laugh with each other, not at each other.
5. You know he would never leave you. I remember hearing a story about a friend’s grandma when I was single. She said her grandma made a joke to her grandpa about finding out the baby they were expecting was the milkman’s. Her grandma laughed about how soon he would leave her if that was the case. But the grandpa replied stone-faced, “I would never leave you. I would love both you and the baby no matter what.” When I heard this I thought, what a bunch of malarkey, love like that doesn’t really exist. Then, when I got pregnant, I posed this same question to my husband. His response was the exact same.
I encourage the rest of you happily-in-love people out there to let me know how you “just know” you are over the moon.
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I appreciate the comment Phoebe Pike. I also agree with your statement that feelings can change over time. However, that was not the point I was making. I was stating that you have a trust in this person no matter the scenario. I do believe it is possible to trust someone wholeheartedly. If not, I don't see much a point in marriage. I used to believe that you can never trust someone and that it was naive to do so. However, I hadn't met the right person for me at that point.
To say that feelings "will" change and infer that negatively, I do disagree with. I believe that if you enter a relationship with a negative point of view and think that you are inevitably going to fall out of love will, in fact, be a self-fulfilling prophecy. The point of marriage, in my eyes, is to find someone you trust with your whole heart. And you give it to them for the rest of your lives. It is up to you both to grow as a couple and mature as a couple. This, in my eyes, is true love.
Thank you very much for your input.
Well, I am very happy with my fiance, I guess I can tell because we don't fight often and we share things that we couldn't share with anyone else. Conversation is great and I can't stand being away from her! Great hub, hope you enjoy mine as well!
People can grow and love each other until death takes them away. But here's the real test to see if you could love someone "forever" is to list all their best qualities. Then, one by one, imagine them without those. Continue to do so until they are stripped bare of those good qualities... if you could see yourself loving them still, then you have something. If not, unfortunately you have loved their traits and not truly them. People can be broken down, their best behaviors taken away and if they can be loved in all situations... that's my definition of lasting love. As for true love, the concept is laughable as, in my opinion, all forms of love are true. Though the coined term is admirable, it's a bit slanted by social standards. Even if the love does not last, it does not make it any less true. Even if it is but for a moment, it is still love.
Nice work, Ashley. Rated Up. I agree with all you say.
I am though, disturbed by Phoebe's apparent need to impose (her idea of) rationality on to the points you make. What happened to trusting your heart as well as your partner? Too many people overthink what is in fact the purest of our human emotions. If love could be explained, it wouldn't be love.
Love is love. The end.
The rest of what makes a happy relationship (in my opinion, not saying everyone's) is called Life. As in, commit to a life together, face / enjoy what comes, together, be there for each other's difficulties and joys. For your whole life together.
Phoebe will probably pop back and dismiss that as co-dependence. Far from it. There's no need for one partner in a functioning marriage to subsume themselves to the other's will. In fact, respecting each other's differences is fundamental to a healthy relationship (this time, in my experience, as well as in my opinion.)
It's actually a description of true love. And trust. Not dependence of any kind.
I know you know this Ashley, so please excuse me taking space in your comments to speak to another commenter, who seems to be intent on saying it isn't so.
Please also feel free to deny this comment, but on the off-chance Phoebe would be interested in reading about how true love and respecting one another's differences has given my wife and I a wonderful marriage of over 40 years, (and provides proven support for the points in your hub), check out a Hub I posted some time ago, called 'For a Happy Marriage, Celebrate Your Differences'.
Anyway, again, well done with this.It's spot on, imo :)
writeronline- It's my opinion. That's all. I only disagreed with ONE point. I never said not to trust your partner, nor did I ever impose that the heart did not come into play. My simple comment was that to love someone "forever" would measn accepting them even if they changed (like so many do over the years)... love that grows with another.
I would not disagree that time with another would make you happy. I do not see it as codependence.
You say "Love is Love" yet you continue to define "true love", which is a bit disturbing to me. Earlier you even said love could not be defined... it's a tad confusing.
I applaud you and your wife for the time you have spent together. It is quite incredible when you're fortunate enough to have someone who loves you the way you love them. Congrats.
Ashley,
This is a beautiful hub both in content and in writing. I will share this people and I will read some of your other hubs and consider following you.
To Phoebe... for the most part I agree with you. While people's tendencies and habits tend not to change outside of traumatic life events, the "feeling" of love does wear off and many couples begin to take each other for granted. This is where the term "true love" and "true commitment" become synonomous. Like you said, loving them for them, even after all their good traits have disappeared. I am a little disheartened by your apparent cynicism in your first comment. I think it is possible to love someone "forever" or even after something like an affair, because love is not a feeling, but like I said, a commitment, a choice. Even if you grow apart for a while, both people can make the decision to find out how to rekindle that love and hopefully "feel" in love again.
Peace
Why is it that people attach negativity to my first comment? That was not at all my intention. Like with my first comment, feelings can grow stronger or lessen. It's not to be taken in a negative light, but rather as it is. I know that people can spend a lifetime together and happy, but even a lifetime is not quite forever.
Sorry if I misinterpreted your comment. I realize that it is a a fact of life that some love will disappoint you, but I prefer not to focus on it if I can :D. Haha, you're right, a lifetime isn't forever, but it IS how long we can choose to love for.
It isn't about disappoint... growth is never wrong, it simply happens. I know a couple who was together for 30 years but they simply did not love each other romantically anymore. They moved on. They are still extremely good friends but found happiness with others just a few short years later.
Well I'm glad you're positive enough to have that view. I do believe some growth can be bad... for example if someone grows into a wife beater, or takes up daily Meth use. That would be disappointing to me. I also, personally, would be sad if a woman I loved for 30 ceased to love me or trying to love me. But, I suppose if its mutual there people who would not be disappointed by such an event.
I don't believe abuse is growth nor is drug-use... I believe that is using those things as a crutch which causes a stop in the mental growth and even physical development.
Ashley,
Very nice Hub and you have some very interesing comments going on here. I am not picking sides, but there is a little something to be said about the fear of losing someone. In the beginning of a relationship, both individuals will do whatever it takes to win the other's love. They will continue to do the extra little things to keep that love. I truly believe complacency is the detriment to many things, and a relationship is no exception. I really believe there should be a "little" fear of losing the one you are with. That is enough to keep you doing the little things you did when the relationship first began. Keep your partner on their toes! It's healthy! Just my two cents...
Dean
I love your relationship with your husband and I know you are happy too! This is wonderful!
Congratulations on your Hubnuggets nomination. Do check it out and be sure to read and vote! http://pattyinglishms.hubpages.com/hub/Presidents- To making everyday a heart warming day!
I like the reasons you give that relationships are happy when ... A heartfelt hub. Voted up good luck in the competition.
Few people know this love you speak about. I am proud to say, I do. Congrats to you for finding it too!
I'm not normally a fan of "relationship" writing, I mostly find it too abstract, but I really enjoyed this. It was totally grounded writing, and I don't think I'm just biased because I have at least four out of five. Hang on, I just have to ask my husband something. Okay four and a half out of five. That's still pretty good though.
I am so honored to be considered for a HubNugget. Thank you to all of my followers for voting for me. I can't believe it!
Ashley what a great hub and great insight into the kind of relationship that you have with your husband. I agree with you completely. Congrats on your nomination, this nomination was a great choce. Good luck. Cheers.
You have listed them correctly and when you are in love, they will go to the end of the Earth for you and with you. True love is not measured in all of the good but all of the bad that comes along with relationship. Congrats on your nomation and a very well written hub. I wish you all of the best! Thumbs up! :)
Delightful and true Hub. A neighbor used to say (they'd celebrated their 50th anniversary and raised four kids) that if both husband and wife agreed on everything one of them was unnecessary! These two had the greatest love I ever saw -- and the most marvelous sense of humor -- Exceptional Hub! Best/Sis
I enjoyed your hub and the thoughtful comments
I think the word 'Love' in the English language is confusing, to say the least. We use it in reference to everything from hamburgers to marriage, therefore I am not surprised people debate over its meaning in various contexts.
The ancient Greeks had four words for Love; Eros, Storge, Phileo and Agape. Eros is obvious; Storge related to familial love; Phileo the affection felt for those we share something in common with; and Agape was a love of the will.
A married couple can have a full sex life, love their family and feel affection for one another due to that which unites them, but I think the true test of love is found in the last definition; Agape. When we feel the opposite of affection for our spouses and yet we still desire their absolute best, and work to that end; then we can say we love them fully.
Many equate love with just a feeling. When the feeling vanishes, so too the behaviour associated with it. But true love is no slave to fickle feelings.
Phoebe Pike Level 7 Commenter 3 months ago
I disagree with the last one listed. Love can change forms all the time. So when someone tells me that they will never change, I am disappointed. It means no growth as an individual. Love has to grow with the person and if you grow apart, that's fine. You don't need their love to sustain life. In fact, those who say forever, I can't help but wonder if they understand that feelings, no matter how strong, can change over time. It may become stronger or just change the form into friendship, but feelings can and wil change.